A Psychological Evaluation of the Christian God
by Denizen1
Summary: Just how insane is God?


A Psychological Evaluation of the Christian God  
  


Today I would like to address the most deranged species on the planet: Deitus Tyrannus, or God. 

But God appears to be the last member of his species. Deities are possibly predatory cannibals, and the endangered individual has survived by ferociously eliminating its rivals. The natural course of events will result in the most vicious individual establishing itself as the sole remaining member of its species. Each god consumes its rivals by depriving them of attention by diverting their human audience to itself. When one of the creatures is abandoned by all the people who once talked to it, thought about it, brought it gifts and taught others to do the same it perishes. Biologists call the carcass of a dead god a "myth.

It is further noted God was very long on promises but regularly failed to deliver being more occupied by personal matters. Specifically he invited prayers and then failed to respond to them. He would promise great rewards and comfort to those who followed him and would neglect in which they suffered and often died. He would blame their lack of faith and smirkingly say he was "testing" them.

Deitus Tyrannus' cooperative efforts have been quite limited, especially after the death of offspring over two thousand years earlier. This has forced many scholars to determine this being's mind-set from the only major publication written by Him. Said book, called "The Bible" appears to be a collection of ancient and contradictory manuscripts written in Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic. It contained no references and often included himself as a third person entity which have led many to doubt he even wrote it himself.

I will now use quotes from said publication to attempt to piece together the inner turmoil of Deitus Tyrannus. Bear with me, God tends to speak and write in archaic forms and uses outmoded figures of speech.

For God is one..(Roman 3:30)

"Yet for us there is one God, the father...(1 Corinthians 8:6)

"...Of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?"(1 Corinthians 6:19)

"Whoever shall confess that Jesus is the son of God, God dwellth in him and he in God. (1 John 4:15)

"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "before Abraham was born, I am!" (John 8:58) 

The Bible is unique in describing certain attributes of God, such as the Trinity - in which God is depicted simultaneously as one, two, and three. I think Paul Blanshard said it best in his book The Foundations of Faith(Buffalo: Prometheus Books,1977). 

"Christ, according to the faith, is the second person of the Trinity, the Father being the first, and the Holy Ghost the third. Each of these three persons is God. Christ is his own father and his own son. The Holy Ghost is neither father nor son, but both. The son was begotten by the father, but existed before he was begotten - just the same before as after. Christ is just as old as his father, and the father is just as young as his son. The Holy Ghost proceeded, from the Father and son, but was equal to the Father and Son before he proceeded, that is to say, before he existed, but he is of the same age as the other two. So it is declared that the Father is God and the Son God, and the Holy Ghost God, and that these three Gods make one God. According to the celestial multiplication table, once one is three, and three times one is one, and according to heavenly subtraction if we take two from three, three are left. The addition is equally peculiar, if we add two to one we have but one. Each one is equal to himself and the other two. Nothing ever was, nothing ever can be more perfectly idiotic and absurd than the dogma of the Trinity."

You are probably at least vaguely familiar with it -the idea is that God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are somehow three separate persons but together constitute only one God. He claims to be his own son. 

People with split personalities describe similar situations. Schizophrenics have heard "voices" indicating other aspects of their personalty that cannot express themselves any other way. God appears to suffer from a cosmic form of it, rendering him no end to his troubles.  
  
"To Him that smote Egypt in their first-born; for His mercy endures forever." (Psalm 136:10)

"Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes, their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished." (Isaiah 13:16)

"And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them. (2 Kings 2:23-24)"

"Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against  
her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed into pieces." (Hosea 13:16)

"Happy is he who dashes the little ones against the rocks." (Psalms 137:9).

"In vain have I smitten your children; they received no correction: your own sword hath devoured your prophets, like a destroying lion" (Jeremiah 2:30).

God seems to have serious issues which cause him to harm children(common among child molesters), most probably stemming from feelings of betrayal over the "Fruit Incident" involving his own children Adam and Eve. 

"And he said, 'Thou can not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live. And the LORD said, behold, there is a place, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: and it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a cleft of the rock, and will thee with my hand while I pass by: and I will take away mine hand, thou shalt see my back parts; but my face shall not be seen.'"

Above, Exodus 33:20-23, we have God telling Moses that he cannot see His face. Instead, God decides to show Moses his back parts! "Back parts" of course serves as a euphemism for "ass." in other words, God here says to Moses "thou shalt see my ass." This appears to be a possible deviant sexual orientation on God's part.

"And it shall come to pass, that as the LORD rejoiced over you to do you good, and to multiply you; so the LORD will rejoice over you to destroy you, and to bring you to nought; and ye shall be plucked from off the land whither thou go to possess it."

Above in Deuteronomy 28:63, we are shown one of many instances in the scripture where God not only threatens death and destruction on his creations, but actually rejoices in it! God appears completely devoid of any wit or humor; a mental state that psychologists have observed in many schizophrenics and sociopaths.  
  
"And He made darkness His secret place; His pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies."  
  
The Bible describes God in Psalms 18:11 who dwells in darkness in secret. To be alone in darkness and away from others is a behavior observed in many manic-depressants and isolationists to hide from the world.

"'And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles. Whither I will drive them'"(Ezekiel 4:12-13)

"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take away with it"(Malachi 2:3)   
  
Amazingly God appears to have a fecal fetish. One wonders what value, nutritional or moral, it would serve the people to eat human feces with their bread, as God ordered, in voyeuristic-like observation of feces coming out of man. How many Christians know they worship a scat deity? 

"...all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23)

"And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away." (Matthew 21:19)

"See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no God with me: I kill, and I make alive: I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand. For I lift up my hand to heaven, and say, I live for ever. If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me" (Deut. 32:39-41)." 

"These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him..."(Proverbs 6:16-19)

Finding fault in everything is neurotic behavior, which would lead the sufferer to lash out when confronted with offensive objects and people. Prozac is recommended to handle the violent rages and should have a calming effect.

"Therefore prophesy thou against them all these words, and say unto them, The LORD shall roar from on high, and utter his voice from his holy habitation; he shall mightily roar upon his habitation; he shall give a shout, as they that tread the grapes, against all the inhabitants of the earth." (Jeremiah 25:30)

"Because of the multitude of the whoredoms of the wellfavoured harlot, the mistress of witch crafts, that selleth nations through her whoredoms, and families through her witch crafts. Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts; and I will discover thy skirts upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame. And I will cast abominable filth upon thee, and make thee vile, and will set thee as a gazing stock." Nahum 3:4-6

" 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: 'With a great throng of people I will cast my net over you, and they will haul you up in my net. I will throw you on the land and hurl you on the open field. I will let all the birds of the air settle on you and all the beasts of the earth gorge themselves on you. I will spread your flesh on the mountains and fill the valleys with your remains. I will drench the land with your flowing blood all the way to the mountains, and the ravines will be filled with your flesh. (Ezekiel 32:3-6) 

God appears to have turrets syndrome; a mental disorder in which for shorts periods of time the sufferer can only use vulgar language, nonsense, and threats. Either that, or God is just a sadistic potty mouth.

But how has this change come about? What has led to this rapid change of behavior? 

Bipolar, or manic-depressive, disorder is a condition that afflicts millions. Characterized by cycles of elation followed by bouts of profound depression and despair, the disorder can wreak havoc on both the sufferer and his or her loved ones, particularly if it goes undetected and untreated for an extended period. The condition is estimated to affect, in one form or another, 5 percent of the world's population. 

Evidence of God's manic-depression can be found in the Bible, in which the erotomania of the Song of Songs sharply contrasts with the sadness and existential despair of the Book of Ecclesiastes. The Book of Job, marks the best example of His condition. The book begins with the bleak lamentations of Job and ends with a full-blown manic episode by God, complete with such classic bipolar symptoms as the illusion of omnipotence and delusions of grandeur. The average person with bipolar disorder may go through as many as 10 or 12 cycles of mania and subsequent depression in a lifetime. In severe cases, a sufferer may experience four or more per year, which is known as 'rapid cycling,'" God suffers from the even rarer 'ultra-rapid cycling,' which would account for the many documented cases in which He alternates between benevolence and rage toward humanity within a matter of seconds.

Other symptoms include a short attention span, cruelty to animals and peers, frequent pouting, chewing of furniture, bed wetting, compulsive lying, may be a hermaphrodite as it claims to have created both man and woman in its image, does not play well with others, lacks basics in mathematics, messianic glorying of own son, cries constantly, requires regular feeding, did not get along with other deities; any psychologist take at your own risk. 

UPDATE: Though there have been opponents whom claim that God is the last of his kind, that he should be eradicated for the good of all humanity -- like the last sample of Smallpox virus, God has been bred last week to a lovely Black Kali, and there are expectation of a litter of beautiful if un-housebroken godlets in about six weeks. Deiticians are confident the species would survive for the next 2000 years.


End file.
